transmittable

TEXT

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[ ...Huh. Well that went places at the end (obligatory "holy shit" here) but. That's kind of expected by now. ]

like she's your "worthy opponent" or something like that? this one isn't from experience, for the record, it's something from movies and stuff. it's all antagonistic but there's something beneath the surface.

like things wouldn't be the same without her and you don't want to work through something like that.

It's something like that, yes.

what was going on with her in the end? the last thing you remember.

We were working together on a mission against someone that's objectively worse than I am. We killed the mark, but that left her incapacitated, as I'd expected it would.

I could have killed her then, but I didn't. I returned to the Hive and reported her dead to the rest of the Corporation.

She's currently trying to stop me before our final plans are complete. I'm fairly sure she succeeds in this endeavor, given everything about how this conversation started, but I don't know how, nor do I know how all of that ends for me personally.

[ ... ]

i really do wish your memories hadn't suffered damage. i hope you can at least remember that, to receive some kind of answer.

From what I understand of this situation, it's possible that it ends with me dead.

[ You know how sometimes you get a text and you don't want to not answer but at the same time you really don't want to answer so you just kind of type and delete and type and delete and type and delete? ...Yeah, that's this moment. ]

in a way that would take? you've come back from it so many times.

It's just a guess on my part, but you raise a valid point. The person I've been telling you about shot me in the face once, in a way that people like me shouldn't come back from - it happened quickly, and I don't tend to remember many details about what happens when I die, but from what I recall she shoved a sawed-off shotgun in my mouth and pulled the trigger.

[...That incident is actually probably even nastier than whatever charming mental images that description may have dragged up, given the state of his face at the time. He will leave out the details regarding the state of his goddamn face.]

So it's safe to say that destroying the brain doesn't work on me, to say nothing of the times that my body must have been nearly completely destroyed. To be blunt, I'm not sure what's capable of killing me in a way that will take.

[ ...well she is trying super hard not to recall any of these memories, like, YIKES. ]

so there you go. if you might not be dead as an obliterated door nail, that's another reason to live.

[...He really doesn't like head trauma but at the very least he very much can get better from it.]

Admittedly, I can think of another possibility, but it's striking me as needlessly pessimistic and I do understand what you're trying to do.

caught red-handed. call me sentimental, but i guess i really would miss talking to you if you weren't around.

You've been upset by a few of the others that have died, haven't you?

[ ... ]

yeah, a few of them.

[...]

Whether I have something to live for or not, I can't self-terminate. Both because it's not in my nature, and because if I try it and succeed, you're going to have far more of a problem on your hands than I could ever be on my own. The virus will ensure that much.

So if I act, it's going to be because I'm playing to win. Regardless of the reason I decided to do so.

[ There is a slight pause. Not too significant of one. ]

that's surprisingly good to know.

thanks for the reassurance, undying.

Do you want me to tell you if I come to a decision?

I imagine you'll see it either way, but just as a matter of courtesy.

naw. that's what nachetanya did, so. i'm a little over that.

If you say so.

appreciate the offer though. really.

It seemed only fair.

You didn't have to talk to me about any of this, after all.

it's natural. you guys can't talk about a lot of the stuff you talk about to anyone else.

so, i'm the void you scream into.

I don't think that's all it is, necessarily. At least not for a fair amount of the others.

yeah. nachetanya said something like that too.

Nachetanya said a lot of things. What she ended up being in the end doesn't discredit all of them.

Unless you believe that Ryoji is just shouting into the void at you...?

oh, god no. i know he's not.

sorry, guess i'm just being even more cynical than usual. me bringing up nachetanya by the way, that doesn't mean i'm dismissing everything she said to me. on the contrary, i'm considering a lot. guess just thinking about her makes things a little melancholy, though.

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