SWITCHBOARD

[transmittable]

If you'd like to ask the Transmitter something over the phone, go right ahead! The Transmitter will answer the phone as soon as she's available. Leaving messages is impossible, given how old these phones are, but you should be able to reach her at almost all hours.

Comments are screened for privacy; all Patients are offered confidentiality, didn't you know?

Comments

[imaginex]

Transmitter-san.

Is it possible for the dead to be here?

[Straight the point today. Sakura's voice is shaking a bit.]

[transmittable]

[ ...oh no. ]

Uhh. Why do you ask, Committed...?

[ The Transmitter sounds...tired, that's for sure, but it's surely her, and not the Risen. ]

[imaginex]

[Oh Sakura is going to get to that, being as concerned/upset as she is shaken, but this comes first:]

Memories.

[And then, a bit more suspiciously:]

Did you realize our memories had been missing?

[transmittable]

We-

[ She stops, and sounds annoyed. ]

That wasn't intended. I tried to fix it, but it still...it's a side-effect.

[imaginex]

... I see.

[She believes her, actually]

They're coming back, piece by piece. So I wondered if...

If it was possible to forget your own death.

[transmittable]

...It could be, I think. Do you...think you're dead?

[imaginex]

... I don't know.

[A blankness enters her tone. She'd hid it from the Patients; there's no reason to hide it from the Transmitter]

But there's no way I could-- If that memory is right, then I'm...

[A deep, watery breath]

I'm not going to wake up...

[transmittable]

[ ... ]

It could...not be that. You... I know that you're alive here, right now.

[imaginex]

[Silence for a moment, like she's holding her breathe.]

Yes... I am, aren't I?

[She doesn't sound pleased. Just blank.]

I'm sorry, I guess I'm confused...

[transmittable]

It's okay. Anyone would be, with...all this.

[ ... ]

I can't answer anything about your missing memories, but...if you want to talk...? Or vent? That's...what the phone's there for.

[imaginex]

... But why?

Why are you being kind to me?

[transmittable]

[ ... ]

'Cause...

[ Her voice shakes. ]

The alternative's too fucked for me to consider. Even if it hurts, I'd rather be nice, when I can.

[imaginex]

[...

And like that, Sakura decides... to relent a little, voice growing small like she's talking to a conscience inside her head.]

I had a dream. I know it's supposed to be a memory, but it can't be. It wasn't me. [I don't want it to be me]

A shadow... killed four people.

[Ate them raw while they screamed]

And I could only watch the entire time. I didn't run away, even though I was scared.

[A sigh.] But I know if I tell anyone, they'll assume it must've been real, somehow. That maybe the shadow and I are connected. So I... just didn't say anything.

[transmittable]

You don't wanna consider the possibility...and you don't want them to either.

...Sometimes...when we're afraid. Sometimes, when we're scared out of our- freakin' minds, we just watch bad things happen. I'm just saying...it's not just you.

[imaginex]

Yes... [She knows. Oh how she knows. It's the human condition to watch destruction of others half-awake]

Senpai wouldn't have stood there, though.

I know he would've done everything in his power to save those men.

[transmittable]

But could that shadow have killed him too? Could it have killed you, if you intervened?

[imaginex]

[...]

I don't know. But I don't think the shadow was... malicious, if that makes sense. It didn't kill because it was evil. Maybe it would've left Senpai alone.

... I know it's terrible for thinking that, after it killed those people.

[transmittable]

What kind of people were they? Do you know?

cw: vague sexual harassment? Because frickin FSN

[imaginex]

[The pause here is longer. They've hit on something Sakura doesn't want to admit]

They... In the dream, I mean...

They were following the shadow, calling to it. They, um. Wanted to spend time with it.



... They followed it to the park, and wouldn't leave it alone.

thank you, friend, it is appreciated!

[transmittable]

...Oh.

[ Well, that's...just lovely, isn't it? ]

It sounds- I'm not...the most moral person around. That's obvious with...all of this. But it sounds to me like...the shadow was just trying to protect itself...and it went a little overboard.

[ A little, but- ]

Maybe your senpai could've saved those guys, but...would they try and do that again?

[imaginex]

I don't know.

I'd never seen those men until then.

[her voice sounding distant, thoughtful] But... I don't think they would've stopped.

[And thus, it was almost like watching a shoe squash a bug]

[transmittable]

[ ... ]

...Then you know? I don't think...I can blame the shadow...for doing what it had to.

[imaginex]

[...]

So... you don't blame it either...

[And from that comes the sick comfort in knowing that she isn't alone.]

Y'know, even though I was scared in the dream... I didn't feel that way when I woke up. I just felt sad for some reason.

[transmittable]

Yeah? Why do you think that is? Have any idea?

[imaginex]

[A nod of her he-- oh right, the Transmitter can't see it]

I guess I felt sorry for the shadow.

[...]

Thank you, Transmitter-san. I do feel a little better.