transmittable

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The secret you gave me during our third week here mentioned that there were less than four thousand humans left alive.

As of the most recent thing I've remembered, my mentor and I had to hold off a pair of people for nine minutes in order for those four thousand humans to be destroyed.

oh. so it's kind of a foregone conclusion as to what happened, huh.

Just slightly.

no wonder you were so hopeless sunday morning.

[...So, anyway- ]

The woman on that video feed you've been showing us is that interesting person I've been telling you about from time to time. Her name is Alice.

The other person I recognize there is my mentor, Dr. Isaacs.

I don't know if you selected them or the Risen did, but I suppose I see why, because I don't have family or loved ones to threaten.

[ no one said she was particularly good at this- ]

the choices made were them. they're a little better at sorting through the bunches of memories, after all.

you wouldn't even consider your mentor a "loved one?" or something close to one?

Of course not.

[It seems to have amused him on some level, though; it's closer to a flippant "oh, fuck no" as opposed to anything agitated.]

Dr. Isaacs raised me, more or less, though I don't recall the circumstances surrounding it, nor do I remember my childhood very well. Simply that I don't have family - I believe it was mentioned in passing that I had an older sister at one point, but I don't remember anything about her either - and Dr. Isaacs always made it very clear that he was not to be considered family, before he was aware that I didn't want any sort of attachment like that anyway.

So he's simply always been there as a presence in my life. He brought me into Umbrella when I was old enough to be handed responsibilities, and he trained me to take over the corporation for him eventually. He considered me a good candidate for the experimentation that he was doing with the t-virus, and assisted me with the process of activating it after I infected myself.

That aside, I believe the consensus among High Command - Dr. Isaacs included - is that I will be permitted to live as long as I continue to use my abilities for Umbrella's benefit, but the second I become an inconvenience or our goals are completed and I'm no longer necessary, they're going to see to it that I'm destroyed. They consider me an abomination - one that has no place in their supposedly perfect world that they were trying to create.

attachment as other people define it is something foreign to you, so that's not much of a surprise, but even on his end, even though he watched you grow, you're still someone to hold at arm's length, emotionally.

you explain it and i dig in and see it but that's still something so strange to me. i guess on some level, i'll probably never understand it, but i can comprehend it well enough.

it would make sense that the people who are most important to you in any way are the ones the risen chose, i guess.

I'm sure there's something to be said for not understanding it, in some way or another. Bluntly put, we aren't normal, sane people - it's just a fact that no one who could be considered such would have the ideas and plans that we've been enacting even cross their minds as a possibility, much less a viable solution to anything.

I'm not surprised that you don't understand things like that, in other words.

i'll give you that. wipe out the majority of the world and start again is the kind of thing i'd see in stories back home as the ultimate cynicism.

on that note you're way more aware of all of this than i would expect? i don't know, in all those stories, those characters wouldn't have such a grasp on the differences and how they could be seen as separate.

I'm not laboring under the delusion that I'm doing the right thing. Nor do I share in the one that most of Umbrella seems to be experiencing.

What this comes down to is obtaining what I want. Whether what I want is good for the world or not is of no consequence to me, which I'm aware puts me solidly on the wrong side of the conflict. Good people don't think that way.

what really is it that you want? an interesting life? a life without humans?

It's not enough for me to simply live without humans.

I want to see them destroyed. I want them wiped out, but I want it to specifically be because of me. I want to be content in the knowledge that I changed the world as I saw fit, and I want to stay with my creations after the fact.

That would be ideal, I think.

[...He's...really fucked up, um.]

[ ...So you know how she's been enjoying talking to him? It's like- HUH this sure is something! ]

well

gotta shoot for the stars don't ya? that sure is a dream to have.

I think Nachetanya would have considered it more of an ambition than a dream.

yeah, i'm kinda trying to avoid that word for awhile.

I can't say I have much pity for you, given that you're doing this entirely to yourself.

i know. i don't deserve any.

You don't. Though that won't stop people here from offering it to you, anyway - they're good for that, if nothing else.

as i keep telling them, they're better than i deserve.

i think they're better than either of us deserve.

It would be infinitely easier for me if they weren't.

i think by now you understand as i do, undying. nothing about this was ever meant to be easy.

The difference, apparently, is that I never expected it to be.

oh no. i never expected it to be easy. i didn't expect a lot about this, but easy? no. that's never something that crossed my mind.

And yet you insist on permitting us to talk to you regularly.

There's a reason we discouraged prolonged contact with our subjects.

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