TEXT

[transmittable]

If you'd like to ask the Transmitter something over text, go right ahead! The Transmitter will respond to texts messages as soon as she's available. You will likely get a text back very quickly.

Your tablet device will only reach the Transmitter. There is no option to send texts to anyone else, instead it will connect to automatically to her phone.

Comments are screened for privacy; all Patients are offered confidentiality, didn't you know?

Comments

[transmittable]

thanks, i guess. knowing some of the others you count as interesting really does make that a compliment.

[ ...we are all too blessed by Asgore, basically. ]

in fairness, you're an interesting person too. your texts usually ARE a bit of an exciting surprise. like a choose-your-own adventure where you don't know if you'll get a pleasant talk about the weather or a sudden puppy covered in tentacles.

[enhancements]

I do what I can.

Although even the conversations that begin with tentacles usually end in attempts at discussing friendship with me, I've noticed.

[transmittable]

oh hey you said the f-word! i've been avoiding it since it seems to scare you. it's a big important topic for a lot of people, including some you seem to like.

[enhancements]

It doesn't scare me so much as I don't have much use for it.

But I've noticed that it's important to a fair amount of people here, regardless of how impractical it is in a place like this.

[transmittable]

a lot of people just can't help it, man. they seek out emotional connections when in rough situations. others push people away, but i've never really met someone like you before, where it's like it's not even a factor.

[enhancements]

For what it's worth, people back where I came from don't seem to know what to think of me, either.

[transmittable]

do you get frustrated by it? like people not understanding or getting you? or you not understanding this part of them?

[enhancements]

My mentor would sometimes act strangely around me, and it was obvious that he was putting forth a good faith effort to not call me disturbing or unsettling to my face. One of my coworkers made no secret of the fact that she considered me an abomination, and told me to my face that I have no place in the world.

Things like that are irritating. It was never anything that troubled me otherwise, however. Not before coming here, anyway.

[transmittable]

[ ... ]

but something about it's troubling now that you're here?

[enhancements]

Something like that.

[transmittable]

lemme guess, not something you really know how to or want to talk about?

[enhancements]

I don't particularly mind, and it isn't as though I have anything better to do at this hour.

[transmittable]

alright then. lay it on me. what's got you bugged about friendship here that you weren't before?

[enhancements]

This entire experience has been strange for me. I usually only feel pleasure in interacting with people when I'm making them suffer, and I still appreciate the group's suffering and seeing people receive what they deserve. Gant was particularly satisfying, but all of the victims so far have deserved everything that happened to them, as well as the culprits. So that much hasn't changed any.

But the longer I spend with the group, the more it becomes clear that some of them actually care about my well-being - not for any specific reason or another, but just through general compassion - and they want to be friends with me and treat me well just for its own sake. It's not something I'm accustomed to, nor is it something I know what to do with.

I also don't feel anything toward them myself, outside of perhaps liking the attention, which is striking me strangely.

...It reminds me a bit of what happened after one of Umbrella's founders died. I killed him on my mentor's orders and made it look like an accident. I was also expected to attend his funeral, seeing as he was one of my former employers. Even though I didn't feel any guilt for what I had done, it's one of the only times that I've been very intensely aware that I should be feeling anything at all and simply wasn't.

It's unpleasant. I'm not sure how else to explain it.

[transmittable]

[ There is some of this that is very yikes but you know, they're on text for a reason. ]

so you're confused over why or how any of them could have some affection for you, and it's drawing attention to a difference between you and everyone else that you aren't keen on dwelling on.

is there any part of you that wants to feel something towards them? or is that something you're unsure of?

[enhancements]

There isn't.

The absence of it is noticeable, and I dislike experiencing it. But forming bonds like that in a place like this seems detrimental.

I would rather be inconvenienced than compromised.

[transmittable]

better alive and unhappy than dead and satisfied. right?

[enhancements]

I wouldn't be satisfied even if I was able to experience something like that. The affection of humans doesn't count for much.

[transmittable]

what about inspiring? you said before he was different.

[enhancements]

Please. He'll stop caring the second he finds out about anything I've done.

[transmittable]

[ ... ]

i don't know. he seems different.

[enhancements]

What makes you say that?

[transmittable]

he seems accepting. he seems like the kind of person who knows what it's like to make hard choices.

[enhancements]

I'm aware of that much. But there are some things that are unacceptable if you're at all approaching being a decent person.

I told you when we first arrived here that I was tasked with saving the world. I'm "saving" it by way of an orchestrated apocalypse.

There are less than four thousand people still alive. Not just in the States, not just in North America. That's a global tally of the world's current population. Over seven billion people are dead - because I personally chose to have them killed, and because I've chosen to continue to allow them to die over the past ten years.

And really, my own motivation for doing so isn't that of my mentor's. He's saving the world. I want to see it destroyed.

Do you truly think that Inspiring will forgive that?

[transmittable]

[ This would be the time for another "holy shit," though it doesn't feel the place for it. She at least mutters it out loud. ]

i think he'll ask you why you want that, and be firm about that.

i think he won't want to judge you until he knows everything.

that's just the kind of person he is.