TEXT

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If you'd like to ask the Transmitter something over text, go right ahead! The Transmitter will respond to texts messages as soon as she's available. You will likely get a text back very quickly.

Your tablet device will only reach the Transmitter. There is no option to send texts to anyone else, instead it will connect to automatically to her phone.

Comments are screened for privacy; all Patients are offered confidentiality, didn't you know?

Comments

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[ ...oh. ]

i talked a little about that with assimilated, tangentially. we talked about friends, in particular. being alone, being isolated. i said that's what makes you weak, not having friends.

but, the subject of compassion's a little different. i'm of two minds. part of me wishes i didn't have it. part of me clings to it.

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Care to elaborate?

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well, if i didn't have any compassion, all of this would be so much easier, for one. if i was just in it for me. if i didn't connect with any of you.

but on the other hand, i like connecting with others, despite everything. i like feeling for other people. it's something that, for me, makes me feel human after everything else. if i lost it, i feel like i'd be no better than the risen.

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I see.

Even before my world became what it is now - back when the old world was still thriving and compassion may have had some sort of place in it - I never envied others their compassion. It always seemed like a oddly painful process.

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i mean yeah, sometimes it fucking sucks man. seeing someone you like suffer, feeling for them, growing attached when you know it's just gonna go sideways.

it sucks.

but still, i don't think i would change it.

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I can't say I understand that element of it. But the answer is appreciated, regardless.

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i guess it's like even with all the pain it's worth it? maybe some of the pain makes it worth it.

that one i'm more on the fence about.

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Do you consider all of this to be worth it?

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i don't know anymore.

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Does this have to do with why you decided that you feel more like an "I" than a "we" nowadays?

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some of it.

[ ... ]

a lot of it.

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In that case, I won't ask further; I doubt the Risen will appreciate anything further being said.

I suppose I owe you an apology for the sudden intrusiveness, but it's something of a bad night on my end.

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what? no, intrusiveness is kind of your thing, i'm cool with it. what's making this a bad night?

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The virus is feeling volatile tonight. It's making it difficult to sleep, and I don't want to wake Krauser. He's been awake for entirely too long for my sake this week already.

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you need to get tired out, right? what about trying out the arcade? ddr until you

well not drop, but almost.

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I've been enjoying the arcade, actually. It's not the sort of place I would normally frequent, but it's been a good distraction when I've had things on my mind.

I'll be fine for now, however. It's more something that I need to wait out than anything else at this point, and I'm feverish to the point of not wanting to do much for the moment besides.

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good. about it being a good distraction, not any of that other stuff. do ice packs even work when you've got zombie fever? :/

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[Maybe it's because he's sort of delirious (because, you know, zombie fever, as she's so eloquently put it) but that seems to amuse him a bit, anyway.]

More than you would think. The fever isn't explicitly a symptom of the virus, but it occurs for the same reason that you would develop one. Whatever remains of my immune system is still trying to fend it off.

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wow. the little engine that could over there. i would've thought you wouldn't even have one left.

i try not to peek at memories or the like, partly because it's fucking rude? but especially with you because i fear what i would see. but even i know that virus does a bit of a number on a person.

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It's done enough to me that curing it is impossible at this point, even if I both wanted to and had the means. It might not seem so externally - the only thing that's truly strange about my appearance is my eyes - but internally...

Internally I was fine up until a reasonably short while ago. It was after I came back from one of the worse deaths I've taken that things seem to have changed on that front.

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i'm going to regret asking this with everything in me but

how DO you keep coming back from those? is there a science to it all?

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A person's DNA repairs itself daily - individual cells take damage at a high rate every day, but due to the natural process of DNA repair you don't notice the effects for years. Over time, your DNA loses its ability to repair itself, and that's why people age.

The t-virus was originally created as a cure for progeria - a genetic disorder that causes rapid aging due to a person's DNA being unable to repair itself at all. The t-virus essentially rewrote the faulty alleles responsible for the vulnerability to damage, ensuring that the afflicted person's cells would be able to repair themselves and regenerate in the same way a normal person's would.

The problem with the t-virus is the fact that it's a bit too good at its job. It continues to regenerate, recreate and reanimate cells even after a person has died. Zombies are really just a living shell with nothing in it anymore, it's just functioning on basic instincts because its neurons won't stop firing.

However, approximately one in ten million are a bit more compatible with the virus than most. I've only personally seen it in myself and one other person, but theoretically there are more that could survive infection. We can come back from death without losing much, if any, of our higher function, even if our bodies are changed by the experience - enough of us remains functional and reasonably healthy, tissue-wise, to allow for that.

So my body will regenerate from almost anything, assuming that enough of it remains intact to allow for that, but I'm still "alive" enough to allow me to retain my higher function - the virus doesn't overtake my body completely.

It overtakes just enough to do horrific things to my organs, apparently, but all things considered that could be far worse.

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why the fuck did i ask that, i was GARBAGE at science

wow, i think that makes sense? if it doesn't make sense who the heck am i to judge or deny your basic body structure.

kinda sad that it started to try and do something good and became all this, though.

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We found out about the problems it caused rather soon after we started developing it - there was an accident in China. Thirty children and five adults died.

One of Umbrella's founders - my mentor - saw an opportunity instead of a tragedy, however. He decided he wanted to weaponize it. Our cofounder disagreed with that usage of it.

That disagreement is what led to that funeral I told you about.

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and this makes sense. with you as a person and with what i can easily recall. your world's whole situation is honestly what comes up first whenever i think on you.